How is Your Marriage Doing?
Rate Your Marriage Status...
Read below and follow the path each option takes you to see how you best enrich or help your marriage.
Our Relationship is Amazing!
We're not getting along as well as we used to
Things are looking dark
It's more or less over
Stage: Romance
Stage: Disillusionment
Stage: Mild Misery
Stage: Deep Misery
Alright! Fantastic for you! You are probably keeping each other in focus, and both putting the other’s needs ahead of your own while keeping incredibly open and honest communication. These are the keys to a loving relationship.
Keep it up, and remember that every life and every relationship has ups and downs, so when one or both of you are in one of those down periods, keep that open communication going and be there for each other. That is the time that marriage takes the most work, and little resentments can easily begin to store up.
Almost all couples reach this point, and it is entirely normal, but it does not have to be this way.
Early in our relationship, we unconsciously spend a great deal of our energy pleasing the other and being our best selves in the eyes of our partner. This is how we fall in love, and what creates that seemingly incurable romance.
But as we grow more accustomed to each other, it is very natural that we begin to focus more and more on our own needs, and we are not pleasing each other the way we used to.
This can cause resentment to build up, and left unchecked, can easily be the beginning of a long and slow deterioration of the relationship.
But you can completely turn this around and keep yourselves from getting to this point with the right tools and right attitude.
Everything we said in the “We’re not getting along as well as we used to” section applies here, and if left unchecked, things will indeed begin to look dark.
It is common that as a couple drifts apart, they begin to pursue more and more of their own self-interests, and these things not only exclude our spouse, but hurt the relationship.
As time goes by, the feeling of love can be lost, resentment grows bigger and bigger, and without making a radical change in your relationship, this often leads to addictions, affairs, and usually separation and divorce.
Many couples seek marriage counseling at this point, but it is often not enough, because it is common that one person in the couple feels like they are being dumped on and judged in counseling. This often leads to even more resentment and hurt.
Reaching this point can feel incredibly discouraging and painful. When couples believe it’s more or less over, it usually means both partners have emotionally disconnected and lost hope that things can improve. The love that once was the foundation of your relationship now feels distant, and the idea of reconciliation seems impossible.
However, even at this stage, there is still a strong chance to turn things around if both partners are willing to put in the effort. Even after betrayal.
It requires a deep commitment to change, a willingness to let go of past hurts, and a determination to rebuild trust and intimacy.
These are things you can learn if you’re willing to try:
Remember, even if you feel like it’s over, there is still hope. Many couples have come back from the brink and built even stronger, more resilient relationships. It’s not easy, but if both of you are willing to work at it, you can do it.
Advice
Advice
Advice
Advice
Since you are doing so well, we say keep it up! You may also consider attending a Marriage Encounter weekend, which will teach you some tools to help when you have disagreements. Their goal is to make good marriages great.
If you are looking for a preemptive choice that offers a more intensive experience with a weekend program followed by followup sessions, consider Retrouvaille. Its structure allows couples to delve deeper into their relationship dynamics and work on developing long-term strategies for maintaining a healthy and happy marriage.
Get in front of your issues before they get any bigger. Be proactive. We would suggest that you either attend a Marriage Encounter weekend or a Retrouvaille weekend. Marriage Encounter may be all you need to get your relationship back on track, but since Retrouvaille is a much deeper program, it tends to help the concepts really sink in and become more permanent for many. Some couples at this stage think Retrouvaille is for marriages in worse condition than theirs, but while many couples come that are in deeper trouble, you still get the same benefit before your marriage gets to a more difficult place. You may consider it like Marriage Insurance.
We would strongly encourage you to attend a Retrouvaille program. Most couples that come to Retrouvaille are at this stage in their marriage.
Retrouvaille can really help you turn things around from this stage, and has an incredibly high success rate.
Many couples at this point are seeking marriage counseling. Retrouvaille does not replace marriage counseling. It is entirely different. Some couples do it instead of counseling, and some do in conjunction with it.
Retrouvaille has a unique way of teaching you to communicate on a deeper level, and many say it taught them to be their own marriage counselors without the need to share any of their dirty laundry with strangers.
If there is a willingness to try, even if to give it one last shot, we would suggest you give the Retrouvaille program a chance.
We have seen countless couples come from the most desperate situations an completely turn their marriage and lives around as a result of the program. Everything from constant major arguing to multiple affairs. We have seen couples that were already in the divorce process and even already divorced some through and completely turn things around, and make their marriage better than it ever was before.
The important thing is that both are willing to try. In fact, some couples come as a means to make the decision to go on together or split up, and the majority of those make it!